The premise of this blog is the fact that rules change, that games require referees, and that it is difficult to play a game when you don’t know the rules.  I have been evaluating the different “rules” by which I live and the different rule books that govern or guide my actions.  What I’ve discovered is that I have different roles( as you probably do too): sometimes in life I am the referee, sometimes I’m the coach, sometimes the player and other times, I’m simply the spectator.  So when you are the player, what rules do you follow?

As a player of life in general, I refer to the Holy Bible for rules on my thoughts, desires, relationships, and lifelong achievements.  As an employee (a player in work), I reference the company handbook, verbal rules  and feedback expressed by my boss, and books like The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg.  As a player in my family, I fall back on the rules my parents had for me growing up, my education and experience, as well as my mentors.  Add a little common sense to all of the rule books above, and I have a pretty good set of rules to live by

I love reading about and being intimately aware of the rules. I love discussing the gray areas, determining which rules are the best rules for each particular game, whether life, work or family and soaking in everything I can about the rules, whether by reading or listening to them on CD. This month I am listening to John Maxwell’s The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth.  I feel so inspired to grow this year in all aspets of my life – spiritually, mentally, emotionally and financially -in part because of his book.

By combining principles and ideas from this book, my notes from a few Sunday morning sermons, and my boss’s insistence that I write, I decided to start a blog in order to stretch my talents and skills this year.  Mr. Maxwell impressed upon me the importance of self-reflection, and this past year has given me many reasons to reflect!  The first thing I learned in my self – reflection is that I like to have rules for my life.  Unfortunately, one of the hardest things for me to accept is the new set of rules by which I have to live and love after having my identity broken by an unfaithful spouse.

I feel like I have just come out of the locker room after halftime only to find the rules of the game have been changed on me.  Not only have the rules changed, but suddenly I don’t even know if I like playing this game anymore. I find myself full of questions as I try to learn the new set of rules and figure out exactly where I fit and how to be successful as a player in my new life. What do I like?  What do I want to do?  What is the option to this particular play? Because honestly, after 10 years of complete devotion to a marriage and another human being who decided to leave me on the court alone, I don’t know what I, as an individual, want in this game of life anymore.  RULE CHANGE — uhmmmm,  I need a referee.  Maybe I should go ahead and seek that counseling after all.